WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO US?
I found insight in this image of a Torus.
We’ve all been there. A sudden loss, an unexpected rejection, a beloved pet dies suddenly, or maybe a “bad” streak of everything going wrong. While everyone else is seemingly living their best lives. “I don’t understand” we say, “I am a good person, I do (insert good deed), why me? Why did this happen to me?”
It is hard not to take life personally. Especially when it appears everyone else has it all figured out.
Memes on social media and “influencers” would have us believe we simply are not thinking positive enough, or doing enough self-care, or meditating enough. and those of us having a good time must not be following the directions.
Last week found me in an existential crisis. Again.
I found myself losing all my battles. My writing was going no where, a quiet walk with my dogs turned into an obstacle course of tourists, jack hammers and trash everywhere. The beloved park outside my window was decimated in the name of “resiliency”. Everywhere I looked I saw the worst. and my efforts to rally the community to save what’s left, were met with critical words by a pessimistic lobbyist in the comment section. Life felt overwhelming and pointless. I am trying to do good things, why are all my actions being fire walled?
This was one incident after many I experienced this Summer. From work to my personal life I found myself deeply unhappy and “in purgatory” as my friend said. Just waiting and wondering what I was doing wrong. Did I not pray enough?
“Meditate more” my physical therapist said. “It is the planets, not you” prophesized my astrologer. “Hang in there” my friend encouraged. “Join the club” my husband bellowed. “Don’t give up” friendly community members DMed me.
I took a depression test just in case - mildly depressed it said (although it was concerned about my frequent thoughts of escapism), so I just kept going in hopes the dark clouds would pass.
This morning I woke with my Mom on my mind. I tried calling her desperately in my dream. The one person in the world who would take the time to listen to me unconditionally. The one person who could help. But I can’t call my Mom, she is dead. Why me? Why did MY mom die.
For as long as we have roamed this earth we have asked ourselves why. Why does any of this happen? Why did the woman in Mexico lose her 7 year old boy to a tick bite? Why did my friends lose their beloved puppy to a curable and preventable disease? Why did you lose what you lost? And better yet why does it seem like everyone - particularly the rich and famous - are always winning?
Lol they aren’t by the way.
Perhaps this is why I find myself in these crisises. I spend most of my time thinking about “why”. I lived my best life with Socrates in Alopece.
I was reminded of a meditation a week ago where I was given two messages. One was the image of a torus.
If you are unfamiliar with the torus it is shaped like a doughnut or a funnel that is constantly recycling within itself. Many images show the torus in us, where we are constantly evolving and recycling.
Here is what came to me.
My greatest learning has come from my pains and sorrows. While many preach we are what we think and we create our lives from our thoughts, we still will not get to be Beyonce or that pinnacle of what we dream, without lessons, without pain, without bad things happening. We all know Beyonce knows pain and I would bet 99.9% of us would not trade our lives for hers if we actually witnessed what her life was.
I watched a George Michael interview where he said he enjoyed fame for 2 years. He then spent the rest of his life trying to escape it.
What if we are in one gigantic torus? I think we might be. We are here to learn, to create our best possible selves. Some of us are here to help others. That jerk in the comments section on WhatsApp took me to task. After I stopped taking it personally I asked myself what did he teach me? He taught me to have my facts and ducks in a row, more so than him. That shockingly not everyone does care about trees, birds and fresh air and if I am going to crusade for it, I better be ready for the debate. I could also see he was just trying to flex. It was who he was. Arrogant. It showed me there are so many humans who would rather fight than do something good. It was more material for my third book.
When Timothy Leary died, he wanted it recorded. In true Leary form, he was going to expand even in his death. His last words were “Why?” and then a resounding “Yeah!”(You can listen to this in the documentary “Dying to Know”)
No one - not even Deepak or the Pope knows the point of our lives. Some believe there is no point. We all think about it, most don’t spend enough time in my opinion pondering it.
Our mutual experiences form our view. They show us life is hard, sometimes fragile and unfortunately devastating at times. It is also incredible, miraculous and filled with indescribable love.
It is polarity and it is never ending - like the torus.
So what helped me in the end was to step back, take the feelings out and see this life for the torus it is. A constant evolution of ourselves, of the universe. A weird movie where anything can happen. I do believe we can create and influence our individual scripts, but we may also be a part of another’s movie, which can influence our own. It is crazy, wacky, horrific and wonderful. And from it all we learn and we grow.
No one will escape it - no matter what a book or influencer will tell you. We all have trauma and we all will die.
You can’t positive think your way out of losing a loved one or escaping anything we deem “bad”. But you can learn from your pain, evolve into a deeper understanding of who you are and maybe create something wonderful from it for yourself and others to benefit from.
Like the torus we are constantly evolving into our lives endlessly.
Sometimes it takes us down.
When that happens it helps to stay out of my emotions when they are drowning me and to ask myself what I can learn from the pain. It helps me when I share and and also when I write, it is affirmation we are all in this together. In a recent interview on the podcast “On Being”, Author and Music Producer, Rick Rubin said “The primary reason I write is to learn what I know”.
What a sentence.
Along with writing, meditating and my best efforts to not judge myself, I do also practice positive thinking.
I think we need to have positive thoughts, not to create positivity, but to help us heal from the pain.
That’s all I got for now. TY for reading. ILY.
Be well xo
Christine